Beginning July 14^th 2011 New Existential Eeyores can be found at my regular blog: www.e-mike.com

#23 Age

"The average donkey lives thirty years. I'm eighty-five. Just my luck." _◘

#22 Two Things

"I learned two things yesterday: One, you can use a can of hairspray as a flamethrower. Two, Owl feathers are really, really flammable."

#21 Soaring

"The higher you soar they farther you're going to fall. Might as well stay on the ground."

#20 Lost

"I used to be happy, then I lost my prescription drug coverage."

#19 Trigger

"It's hard to pull a trigger when you have hooves."

#18 Fairness

"After I die the world will keep on turning and the sun will keep on rising. It's just not fair."

#17 Surprise!

"I secretly dosed Pooh's hunny with PCP, I wonder if he ate any yet?"

"Yup."

#16 Enough

"He said it was enough heroin to kill a horse. He was wrong."

#15 Traffic

"I wish the Hundred Acre Wood had a road running through it so I could walk out into traffic."◘

#14 Independence

"Today is Independence Day, unless you're owned by an effeminate English boy who's way too old to be playing with stuffed animals."

#13 Hobbies

"Pooh has honey, Rabbit has carrots, Tigger has bouncing...I have cutting."

#12 Wish

"Sometimes I wish Christopher Robin Would Just Pull The Trigger And Fucking End It All."^◘

#11 Choke

"Kanga didn't have my money so Eeyore had to choke a bitch. Oh bother."

#10 Consequences

"There is no Heaven or Hell or any eternal consequences for what I am about to do."

#9 Tastes Like Chicken

"Rabbit tastes a lot like chicken. Don't ask me how I know."

#8 The Abyss

"When a donkey stares into the abyss the abyss stares back at the donkey."

#7 Hole

"I wish Piglet hadn't done that, now I'm going to have to dig a hole. Oh bother!"

#6 Voices

"Sometimes the sound of the rain drowns out the voices in my head."

#5 Feel

"Oh well, I guess I'll just go home and cut myself until I feel something."

#4 The Rain

"I wish this rain would stop so I could burn it all down."

#2 Bother

"Why bother, we'll all be dead soon anyway."

#1 Why?

"Days like this are the reason I kill."